Compliments

I was walking along minding my own business in an Adelaide shopping centre when a girl at one of those pop up stalls in the middle of the walkway catches my eye. And when a promo girl catches your eye, you are trapped! There is no escape.

She waves me over and I don't have the heart to pretend I didn't see her. So I stay and listen to what she has to say. 

Girl: Hi you're one of those Muslim girls aren't you? 

Me: Um, yeah.

Girl: Wow you're so pretty.

Me: Hhaha.

Girl: I have a great deal for you today. How would you like these high end perfumes normally totalling over $400 for only $100?

And.... I'm going to cut that flashback short because what I wanted to talk about today was when she called me pretty. I'm not going to lie, I am conscious of my looks ever since I was younger. When I was a little kid, I was really round. It really hurt my self-esteem and although I am no longer that little fat girl today... I get pretty uncomfortable when people say anything about my looks. But I get extremely uncomfortable when strangers give me compliments.

I've always thought that when a stranger gives you a compliment, that compliment is a genuine one. It's a compliment that wasn't given with a preconceived notion of you. It wasn't a compliment given to you in sympathy because they remembered how awful they were to you when they were kids and this compliment will make up for all that nastiness. But that encounter with the promo girl just opened my eyes to strangers' compliments.

You will meet at least two types of strangers' compliments: genuine compliments and compliments given for their own gain.

What is a genuine compliment?

This is usually given in random settings, be it on a train, on the street, places you least expect it. I say random because these compliments are given with absolutely no context. For example, you are standing on a train and a passerby says: "that's a really nice jacket you're wearing".

So compliments for one's own gain?

These have their own subset: compliments from those who want to make themselves feel better and compliments from those who want to manipulate you for their own gain.

Also within this, there are the truthful ones and the lies.

To be honest, I've given compliments and enjoy it. I make a mental note to be nice to people because I have a bit of an icy, emotionless exterior. And people will like you more if you give compliments. I know I do! I don't see anything wrong with this one. Two people are happy at the end of it. Hurray! But you have to be careful with this one. If you're giving a compliment just for the sake of giving one, make sure they're truthful ones. You don't want it to backfire when you tell an exaggerated one... or a lie. 

Moving on.

Those, like the promo girl who give you a compliment to lure you in. This is probably what all sales people do and I am a sucker for it. When these people give you compliments, it makes you question whether they're being genuine or not. 'She called me pretty, but she's just saying that so that I like her and then buy her perfumes. She's lying. I am actually ugly.' Ever had thoughts like that? When it makes you question every single thing in the universe and then makes you write a blog about it? (LOL)

These compliments are terrible, because they are intentional and it's even worse when they are also LIES. But you know what? They don't hurt as much when you know where these compliments are coming from. In my case, I knew she was trying to sell me something, and through that, I see that it's her job and she probably doesn't give a damn what I look like. And therefore, I shouldn't give a damn about whether or not I am pretty or hideous. You will see those compliments as EMPTY WORDS. Empty words can't hurt you.

As for the compliments given by people for personal gain such as social climbers, maybe like the almost-popular person at school, or politicians... think of it this way. They give out these compliments without any thought or emotion... so why should you give these compliments thought or emotion? 

In the end, a compliment is a compliment. This ain't no Mean Girls. Take each compliment lightly. They're MEANT to make you feel good. And don't you dare let yourself think that these happy emotions are fake if the compliment is fake. Don't you let yourself think you don't deserve to be happy. BE CONFIDENT in who you are and I'm pretty sure the trivial things won't bother you.

~Nurilen

Becoming a Scripture Teacher

So I've recently signed up to be a islamic studies scripture teacher at a public school literally NEXT to my apartment building. And my first class with this certain public school happened to be on the final week of Term 2. So I've only had one class with the school.

And that's about the ONLY class I will be having with that school.

Why you ask? Did I get fired?
Well technically, since it's all voluntary... "fired" wouldn't be the right word for it. More like "if that teacher comes back I'm pulling my kid out of the scripture program".

That shocked me. Initially my supervisor didn't want me to know why she was offering to relocate me... but I insisted. I needed to know what I did wrong! I'm not the type to ignore my mistakes (if it genuinely was a mistake). I want to fix things and become better!

So what was my mistake?
Well apparently, there were 2 things I said: "You're not allowed to listen to music" and "if you don't wear the hijab you're going to hellfire".

I DID NOT SAY THAT.

I specifically kept saying to myself in my mind that day to not say anything so direct. And it was emphasised so much during my training to avoid the "going to hellfire" topic. And I did abide by that! It must've gotten twisted or misunderstood during the lesson. I remember saying you should wear hijab, but not saying ".. and if you don't, you're going to hell".

And with the music question, I did not say that outright either. I asked the question what they shouldn't do in Ramadan. One of the kids say "listening to music" which I said "yes". I think the kid might've thought you shouldn't listen to music in general, Ramadan or no Ramadan. The music topic is a controversial one. You're really not supposed to, since the angels don't like it and will go away when they hear it... along with many other reasons. But some Muslims still listen to music voluntarily anyway. But the issue here is... I did  not outright say "you shouldn't listen to music". If anything, the message I was trying to communicate was "there are better things you could be doing rather than doing this and that, including listening to music".

So after a discussion with my supervisor, I have decided to relocate to another school. And it's not as close as my initial school. It's about a 20 minute bus ride. Grrr... $3.50 one way!

Tutoring adults is so much more fun. Maybe being a paediatrician isn't for me? But I love kids!

To be honest, I think the problem here was with the parents. Yeah, maybe the kid was a little spoilt but the decision to threaten to pull out their kid lies with the parents. And I could've gone back, but that would mean those kids' only chance of learning Islam would be taken away. And Allahu a'lam what they grow up to be. When they're older, it's hard to turn them back to Islam.

Well. Now that I've vented my frustration... I'm going to give my new school another go. Fresh start and now wiser! Not going to let one class pull me down. Gotta keep learning and inshaAllah I get rewarded for this. And inshaAllah those kids at the old school get a better teacher and grow up to become better Muslims and are guided on the correct path.

Ameen.


wassalam,
Nurilen

Making Another Blog

But that doesn't mean I'm leaving this one. This blog is a lot more... like a diary. I can post anything (well almost) and it doesn't have to pertain to a particular theme. There are no rules here.

What I do envision, is a more connected feeling. I want to make a blog that encourages discussion and networking. And to do that, I need to find whatever it is that I am passionate about and find those people that share those interests. Writing a blog about my life is for me and not really for anyone else. Everyone else has their problems, and have other people in their lives who ALSO have problems.

So what blog am I making?
I'm thinking of making a Green Tea blog. There's probably one already like that out in the world, but I want to add my own flavour into it. I will share that blog once it is ready to be shared. Can't go into any more details since it is still an idea in my head. Wondering if I should make it a wordpress or stay on the blogspot platform.

I am also making another blog.
Yep. You've heard correctly. Making a second blog! It's going to be about sharing stories about oneself. It's going to start as a personal project... I suppose documenting it across a period of time. Maybe if it gains a following I could share others' stories on it too. This blog is the one that I hope will be the engaging one. I hope it will connect to others.
Since the aim of this particular "story" blog is about sharing and connecting, I don't think blogspot provides the best for that. I was thinking of tumblr or wordpress... but yeah. Still researching on the best blog platform to launch from.

**********************

Oh! And Ramadan is ending soon! So sad it went by so fast! I haven't found a paying a job yet. Ive mostly just been volunteering and building up my resume. I was the MC of an iftaar one night. Alhamdulillah it went alright!
Half of 2015 is already gone too! Job prospects are decreasing but I to be honest, I don't really care. I've taken to calling this break a gap year and Allah SWT knows best. Maybe in the years ahead I'll be busy and would be regretful for not taking a break to reflect and actually work on all these ideas and projects I've had in mind. Perhaps I would be regretful for not taking a break and getting back into the deen. After last year's intensity, there wasn't much left in the tank self-esteem-wise, mental energy-wise and spiritually. This is the year to recharge. And there's only a few months left and I've gotta work on my bucket list.

wassalam,
Nurilen

A Quick Hello!

Hey everyone!

This is just a quick hello! I've been reading a couple of blogs and suddenly an idea came to me!

Idea: What if I blog in Indonesian? That way, I can practice my Indonesian! Yayyy!!

Okay. Here goes.

Apa kabar? Bagaimana cuaca hari ini? Sekarang, di Sydney, cuacanya agak dingin. Tetapi, saya suka cuaca yang dingin. Saya pikir saya suka cuaca seperti ini karena saya lahir di musim dingin (winter).

Andah pernah lihat salju? Saya pergi ke tempat salju hanya dua kali, dan saya memang jatu cinta sama salju. Tetapi, yang aneh itu... waktu saya di tempat salju, saya jadi sakit! Dan itu bikin saya sedih dan kecewa. Sudah pergi jauh jauh terus jatuh sakit. Ya... itulah takdir dari Allah.

Oh iyah.. saya mau kasih tahu sama kalian. Minggu ini, aku terima berita tentang nilai ujian GAMSAT saya. Saya kecewa banget karena ujian di Maret yang aku ikut.. saya bener beneran belajar keras. Itu ketiga kalinya saya ikut ujian GAMSAT itu. Tapi, nilai saya lebih kurang dari pada nilai yang ujian saya ikut tahun yang lalu. Ya... itulah takdir dari Allah SWT dan Allah SWT memang tahu apa yang paling bagus buat untuk saya. Insha Allah saya bisa di terima ke sekolah kedoktoran. Ameen!

Well, I hope you guys are well! And I'll let you guys know the results!

~Nurilen

The TMI Edition: Eczema breakouts and the Impending Quarter-Life Crisis

A pretty melodramatic title I must admit.

Dear reader, I am in a state of confusion. I do not know what these feelings that I am having are. No. I am not in love. Sheesh.

That is a lie. I have an idea of what I am feeling but I just too coward to admit it.

Well. I am going to take a step forward and start by writing and publishing it here.

As you all know, I am done with Honours. But that's the thing. I have been done since November. That is a whole THREE MONTHS doing almost NOTHING. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. One part of me wants to tell people that I've been looking for a job. But the other part... which is the part I am not willing to embrace, feels embarrassed that up to this very moment, I have not gotten a job!

To be honest, now that I think about it. I am kind of regretful of doing Medical Science. It's a degree that does not guarantee you a job. If you do not like science and DO NOT see yourself doing research and living the rest of your life under uncertainty, then my suggestion is.. don't pursue that type of degree. I went into Honours, and dare I say it, half-hearted about science. I knew research was not my calling, but I went in because I was desperate to increase my GPA. Up until that point, I did not have flashy grades. That comes as no surprise seeing as I went into my Medical Science degree half-hearted. At the end of the year 12, I was still really depressed for not getting into undergraduate medicine and just went with the flow.

But in saying all that, I am trying to remain hopeful for the future. I am trying to remain steadfast on my goals. I just have to have absolute faith in Allah SWT, because He knows what is best for me.

Insha Allah I achieve my goals!

I have to go through the difficulties to make the ending sweeter right?

So that's my story of my quarter-life crisis. Melodramatic? Sure am, especially considering the fact that I've only just entered my 20s.

My eczema outbreak? Yeah... it usually happens when I am extremely stressed. Which I have been lately. But they've calmed down now that I have gotten some more sleep and applied sigmacort and elocon on my rashes.

Well, that's all for now folks. Hopefully will update some more with more positive news insha Allah!

Make doa for me guys! :D

wassalam,
~Nurilen

Job Hunting

Hey!

I wanted to start this post on a cheerful note, so that it would be evenly balanced with the woes of the week that I have to rant about to you today.

IT'S FRIDAY!! TGIF! JUM'AH MUBARAK!

Did you know that if you make a doa (supplication) in a certain hour of Friday, Allah SWT will definitely answer that doa??
It encourages you to always think of Allah SWT on this blessed day!

Have you already read surat al-kahf yet? I haven't yet.. and it's zuhr time now. Uh-oh. Will do that as soon as I finish praying insha Allah!

Wow. I've written so many positive stuff and thought a lot about religion that my woes don't bother me anymore! SubhanAllah.

Yep. My woes are concerned with the dunya. My main woe is job hunting and my issues with procrastinating and focus.

I've had about 2-3 job interviews in the past 3 months since I've finished honours. I've mostly been applying to get medical receptionist jobs. The outcome of two of those interviews have not been successful. The 3rd one, is just a maybe. Which gives me hope! That 3rd interview was just an interview with the manager. At the moment they already have receptionists, but she said she would talk to the doctors about taking on another and she would call me if she needs a receptionist. Ya Allah... I hope I do get the job!

I think if I got jobs at the first two I interviewed at, it would have been difficult. One was located in the middle of no where and was only reachable by bus. Another was located about an 11 min walk from the nearest train station. Which was kings cross! Um... Asian hijabi girl walking in Kings Cross? Yeah. Not a good idea.
And I'm probably overthinking this, but on my walk to my interview (the one near Kings Cross), I think someone spat out of their car in my direction. I'm probably overthinking it, but it was a pretty loud spit. And that's not normal behaviour, unless expressing intense dislike for something. That is, me.

So, now that I think about it... getting those two jobs were not best for me. Alhamdulillah. And I think I will get a job soon insha Allah. I'm currently busy at the moment working on a couple of things. Getting a job now will be difficult. But insha Allah. I will get the perfect job for me, at the best time for me. And when that best time will be? Allahu a'lam!

Trust in Allah SWT. Just make sure you do a lot of good deeds, stay away from haraam, pray on time, take care of your parents and family, and make plenty of doa.

*****************
p.s. update on the novel: Procrastinating... but once I'm done with all this stuff, will get back to it!

Started my Novel planning

Hey hey!

So I've started planning for my novel. I've decided that the novel shall go on for a number of books. And each book will go through a certain period of the protagonist's life. I won't disclose many more details. heheh.

But I've realised that the books I've loved the most are the ones that take you on a journey. Where you grow up with the characters. Something like Harry Potter. But I grew up with Harry Potter and that would span around 10 years! Hopefully it won't be that long.

I didn't grow up with the Anne of Green Gables series though. I read all the books in the series in the span of one year. And it is a classic. I want my novels to have that type of impact, long after I finish writing the final book (whenever that may be).

By the way, I've decided to publish the series on wattpad. I've only recently learnt about this website. I won't link the story just yet as I haven't even started yet! I've mostly been planning my characters and stuff. But, what worries me is that wattpad is known to host a lot of fanfiction. And I kind of don't want that reputation to demean my work. But in saying that, I've seen SO MANY really interesting stories published on that website. And well, I think it's a good place for me to start publishing stuff there, as an amateur novelist.

I'm only an amateur novelist as a hobby. I have other, bigger and more ambitious teams.

What being a novelist means to me:
For me, it's a certain type of expression. It's an opportunity to cross into a realm where I am free and in control of what I write.
English at school was never my forte. Maths was!
I remember the times at school when I would struggle to write a creative writing peace. And in the end I would write a piece of trash due to it being written against a set task. And teachers would never give my essays or narratives full marks. Writing never came easily to me as it did to my classmates. But now, I think I will use this chance to better myself. To cross into uncomfortable territory. To express my thoughts into something inspiring and exciting. To make my written communication skills the best insha Allah!

Done with Honours and now job hunting

Well guys,

I'm back from a trip to Adelaide and now I have to get serious about my future. I have so many things I want to do right now. It is A GIANT LIST.
But the "thing to do" at #1 is making me accomplish that list very difficult. It's my number 1 priority and for some reason, my mind is telling me that if I DON'T do that #1, I CANNOT progress to the other stuff below it!

And you know what that #1 thing to do is?

GET A JOB.

And I've been pretty lenient on this one. ANY job. It doesn't even have to be a science job!

But I've been picky. My plan was not to get a full-time job until April. So there are only so many part-time and casual jobs out there right?
Well, the fact that I've mostly been going for the medical receptionist jobs doesn't really help either. But my plan was to have a part-time/casual job so I could have room for volunteering!

But insha Allah I get a job. I make do'a every day. So that my dreams come true. insha Allah!

-Nurilen

Tonton Piggy Bank ~Naruto~

Hey guys!

I felt like being super creative and found hidden in my hoard a piggy bank painting kit. It was a gift from a friend for my 20th bday! And only now do I decided to paint it.

I am a major Naruto fan and thought immediately of painting Tonton!

So here it is! 3h work and super kawaii.

Pre-painted

Starting to paint

 The finished product

I am so excited for the Naruto movie that's coming out! I've already booked my tickets in the cinema. I am SO glad and grateful that Australia is actually screening the movie in cinemas, even if it is only being shown for one day. So glad its only about a month after it premiered in Japan.

I am an avid NaruHina fan. Many of you Naruto fans could probably understand the overwhelming joy I felt when finding out in the last manga chapter that Naruto ended up with Hinata! :D :D

I cannot believe there were NaruSaku fans that were butthurt and going all hater against Kishi. Sheesh. So immature. The immature type are the ones that shipped Naruto and Sakura in the first place =_=
I hope they reveal Kakashis face in the movie.

Anyways. I'm excited!

Medical School Rejection and Plans for the Summer and Next Year

Well folks.

I didn't get into medical school again. In case you were all wondering...

In the next year, I guess I'll be updating this blog a bit more often now hey? And time to set off into that list of things I wanted to do after Honours..

Thinking of starting an online novel. More like a series actually... It will be published on a separate blog and I'll send you guys the link once I get it up and running.

The plot has been in my head for a couple of years now. It's very teenage-girl drama-ish. Well.. I was a teenaged girl when the plot first came. So now I will translate those daydreams and those pre-sleep thoughts into writing! Hurray!

This is a little ambitious but would be totes awesome if people read it and enjoyed it! Like those light reads that are just for entertainment. hahah... trust me. It won't be like 50 shades of grey!

Will be back soon!

~Nurilen

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah I got to redeem myself today. ALHAMDULILLAH!

I still gotta be well versed in the literature so I will get straight to that by doing my manuscript!

Insha Allah!

Presentation downer

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to recount what happened the other day and how I went into a depression slump.

So I did a practice presentation in front of my lab group (and another lab group) today and one of the questions i got was during my 'question time' made me wish i had just disappeared. It was the SIMPLEST question ever. A question THAT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN after being in the group for 8 MONTHS. BUT I DID NOT KNOW.

And of course the group smirked at me when i said the wrong answer. I think my stupidity was revealed and now I can't face being back in there anymore.

Now that I've typed this, my way of trying to solve this problem of mine is really stupid.

I am now going to tell myself this:

DON'T LET THEIR OPINIONS OF YOU AFFECT YOU. Do your thing, make a lot of DUA and insha ALLAH when ALLAH SWT gives you the results you want, you can forget about this dilemma and laugh at yourself. INSHA ALLAH.

I guess because it was the first time that people's laughing at me.. actually affected me. Affected my pride? I'm generally a silly person and I think people laughing at you is a good thing. It means youre hilarious and fun to be around. But when they laugh at you because of something so OBVIOUSLY SHOWING HOW STUPID you are... that got me.

But I shall listen to my advice. Do my thing. Don't care what they think.


Just pray to ALLAH SWT. Amiin.

[Review] Kazbah Restaurant

My friends and I decided to utilise a $50 voucher and go out for dinner. We chose Kazbah because it was apparently the cheapest out of all the restaurants. AND.. it had my vote because it had a halal menu.

Note: despite the restaurant having a 'halal menu' there were still some items that were not halal.

Not going to go into details but what went down that night. I guess this post will take on a review style!


The atmosphere and setting 4/5
Was pleasant. It was a weeknight and most of the diners were sitting outside smoking argileh and drinking wine.
We came in around 6.30pm and there was only 2-3people in the actual indoor dining place.

The room was dark but we had a nice view of the harbourside. We were seated at wooden table and chairs. But there was also those booth chairs with extremely comfy-looking cushions on them too.

I also saw a private space in the corner with curtains. So if any of you guys come in as a group and would like some privacy during your meal, I guess the restaurant can cater for that :)

Not sure if you can book it though. Probably should call up to check, especially if you're thinking of going on a busy night.

The Bathroom 3/5
Yes! They have a bathroom. It was quite small. But the essentials were there.. the toilet was clean and they have a nice sink. The floors were a little wet but not slippery gross wet as if a monsoon had filled up the floor.

The service 4/5
The waitress serving us was real nice and kindly pointed out which meals were not halal. There were some desserts that had vodka in it, but she took note of our requirements and arranged for the dish to not have alcohol in it which is super nice.
We didn't have to wait too long for our meals either. However, the waitress did know that we were sharing our plates so it would've been nice if she divided the meals equally between the three of us.

And now.. for the important bit...

The Food

Mains

• Kazbah's Mezze Plate - Goat, Black Olives, Pumpkin, Saffron Yoghurt Sauce, Pinenuts % Almond Burnt Butter (with couscous) 4/5

I loved it. The side dishes (to the right of the blue bowl) was interesting. The top was some chilli powder, the middle was I think some saffron spicy thing and the bottom was a salty and sour pickle thing. I love salty and sour things!

This dish was REAL good. The goat was tender. And it's not everyday that you eat goat. It was a nice blend of curry with the couscous. It was like the fused together in your mouth and gave you this warm feeling in your belly.

• Shish kebabs - Camel Kafta, Brown Lentil Moujadara, Tunisian Style Ratatouille, Date Sauce, Crispy Fried Onions 4.5/5
  

This was SO yummy! I love camel! This is the second time I've eaten camel this year (possibly my entire life) and I loved it! Only downside was that it didn't have enough side dish. I assume the rice surrounding it was the side dish. Well, it needed more of that! But the camel was tender, juicy and there's just something about the texture of camel meat that makes it special. Definitely one of those exotic dishes to try out in an exotic restaurant.

• Specialties - Roast Duck, Falafel, Honey Baked Quince, Sweet Potato Chips 3/5

It was nice, to say the least. I wasn't too sure about what I was expecting from this dish. After coming in after the goat and camel dishes, it was quite plain. The duck didn't really absorb the sauce it was sitting on. It wasn't tender or juicy, but I guess it's safe to say I had tastier things that night. I felt slightly ripped off as it was the most expensive thing we ordered that night! But the dish was not bad.

Drinks

I haven't been to many harbourside restaurants, but their drinks menu was packed with alcoholic drinks! But to fit in with the fancy setting, decided to go for the mocktails.

Mocktails

I ordered a lychee mocktail while my two friends ordered a mixed fruit.

Left (yellow): Mixed Fruit mocktail
Right (pink): Lychee mocktail

The lychee mocktail was so good. No regrets. I was hesitant to pick it as my friends ordered the mixed fruit. But after tasting theirs, I LOVE the lychee more. It was sweet and very syrup-py but I highly recommend it. I can't remember what the other flavours were though..

The mixed fruit had I think apple and pineapple amongst other things which I cannot recall at the moment. I thought those fruits were pretty everyday-ish. And the drink mostly tasted like pineapple.

Lychee mocktail 3.5/5
Mixed fruit mocktail 3/5

Desserts

Wow.. where do I begin with desserts. Let's start with the nice one - but not the best one of the night.

• Fruit mince bisteeya, raspberry and custard sauce, pistachio coated halawa ice cream 3/5
  
  

This dish was really yummy. I loved the whatever pastry thing was underneath. And pistachio-covered ice-cream is my 3rd favourite ice cream. The raspberry sauce in the custard though.. to quote my friend "tasted like dimetapp". LOL. I didn't think of it when I first tasted it... but I can't find any other words to describe that red liquid any more accurately. But I think the custard saved that bit.

It's a dish I wouldn't really go for again though.

• Kazbah bomb for Two, Turkish Delight Ice cream, Blueberries 4.5/5

This dish was originally "flamed with Vodka". But we asked the waitress to omit the vodka bit.

This dessert is one of the tastiest things to ever enter my belly! I LOVED the Turkish Delight ice cream. I am not a big fan of Turkish delights.. but that ice cream was just LOVE. And it was coated in some crumb thing (like they do with fried ice cream), and covered in meringe which I think made the overly sweet ice cream taste even better! And to complete the flavouring, the blueberries added this acidic tinge to the dessert which makes this so perfect.


Cost
It's a harbourside restaurant in Sydney. Expect dishes to be on the pricey side. To be honest, $30 for a dish is just ridiculous. But well we had a voucher..

oh damn that triple digit bill!

Yes. I THOUGHT we had a voucher until for some reason their eftpos machine couldn't read the voucher card! Well.. the night did not end well. Spent A LOT of money. We emailed the voucher company and apparently they got some new eftpos machine. Still waiting to hear the outcome.

When trying to impress your supervisors for the sake of impressing

Okay, funny and depressing story I have for you lot today!

So since my research project is basically centred on this chromatin immunoprecipitation assays, I practically have NO DATA for my thesis yet. And there is ONLY ONE AND A HALF months left!


*panic mode*


So anyways. If I start ChIP assays on Monday, my data isn't usually ready before the Friday meeting I have with my program head (who is also my cosupervisor). But what I did have were some cyto assays I was working on. And I wanted to compare them to the sequencing paper that I am basing a part of my project on. But the IC50 of my results were different to that obtained in the paper.

When I brought this issue up, my cosupervisor looked at my graphs and the title and just said: how long was the treatment period in the paper.

And then I thought: OH CRAP. I didn't check that out.

After looking at the paper: "72 hours".

Cosupervisor: "And how long was yours?"

Me: "24 hours..."

And then I got asked why I chose "24 hours".

Tbh, I really don't know why. I thought that was the general treatment time for all drugs. But I didn't want my cyto assay trainer to get in trouble, so I told him:

"because it was convenient".

...

Um yeah. Not exactly the best thing I could have said. And then I got told off about how I didn't have any intellectual control over my project. Especially at this point in the year. I was also reminded of how I didn't have any data for my thesis yet.

So I basically felt like crap. And that conversation just kept echoing in my head throughout my entire weekend.

My cosupervisor asked if I knew how my drug worked. And I responded: "I don't know.."
He then asked if I had read the group's 2005 paper, which I couldn't tell which one..

So yeah. I am basically not that well versed in the literature. I don't have intellectual control over my project and I ask stupid questions and can't "arm myself" when I do because I don't know about the literature and am just blindly diving into doing things. :(

I am so angry at myself. What my cosupervisor said is all true. It was a giant slap in the face. But a slap I really needed.

I need to read more literature. But I just gotta find the time!

Well, after my cosupervisor expressed his disappointments about me not reading the literature...

I am still feeling a little down. I don't know if I will be able to face him tomorrow. I just... I haven't cried once. But I feel like it. But no tears will come out.

It is such a long journey. But considering the time I have left.. I wish the journey was longer. Im running out of time for my thesis.

wassalam,

Nurilen

Eid Mubarak!

I haven't been updating this blog much lately!

But wanted to say to all my brothers and sisters: EID MUBARAK! TAQABALLAH MINNA WA MINKUM INSHA ALLAH!

I hope you enjoyed your open houses with your friends and families.

Anyways,

Just an update.. the end of honours is nearing and I am freaking out. So much pressure to generate data aiyyaaa.

I really want the end of November to come already. But at the same time.. I am dreading it! So much to do between now and then!

Insha Allah I can do this! Insha Allah!


Amiin!


Wassalam,

Nurul

Ramadan Mubarak! and an update!

Just wanted to say to my lovely brothers and sisters in Islam a RAMADAN MUBARAK!

May we make the most of this blessed month inshaAllah!

Sorry I haven't been updating on much everyone! Been extremely busy with honours. But alhamdulillah I think I'm coping.

So I am 3 assessments into honours. I got my marks back for them and they were really good ALHAMDULILLAH!

But I won't lie. I am stressed. The other week my cell culture got contaminated. I thought I would get SO much done in the week that my supervisors were away on conference and when they would be back they would be impressed with all the stuff that I got done and all my results. But no :(

In the week that they were gone, I did practically no wet lab work that would go towards my thesis :(

Insha Allah everything will go well. INSHA ALLAH.

I am not going to quit! Speaking of quitting, the med student in our lab doing his ILP with us quit. He quit while I was away doing my introductory seminar. It's sad :( I thought we were all in this together. But it turns out he wasn't coping and just couldn't get stuff. I don't want to be like that. To be honest, I NEED to do honours.

On a happier  note, I made cupcakes!

Cupcakes!

I made the blue-pink cupcakes. The mono-coloured cupcakes were made by my mum. Actually, my mum made the actual cake bit in the blue-pink pic. It's just that I decorated the cake with the buttercream icing. And my sister added the sprinkles on top.
Go teamwork!

So I actually brought the mono-coloured cupcakes for my lab colleagues to eat. And they really liked it. Some didn't even know who brought the cakes but just took one when they saw it on the table. LOL. But yeah. They were pretty cute. Maybe I should've made the icing a different flavour (or perhaps should've suggested to my mum). Such a pity my actual supervisors couldn't taste any though since they were away on conference.

So it's Ramadan now. It's the middle of the year and I need to focus on my Honours now and most importantly, on my Ibaadah. It might be a while before you guys hear from me again.

But until then inshaAllah!

wassalam,

Nurilen

Vanilla Cupcake + Green Tea Icing [makes ~24 cupcakes]

You sure you really want to make this thing?

Okay... here it goes.

I've always been a diagram sort of person. I love looking at pictures over reading words. So I always turn recipes into a giant flowchart. To some people, it probably looks like its overcomplicating it. But to me, it makes it easier. I've been making an entire notebook on it. And I guess that's something to hand over to my grandkids ahahha. Even though the recipes weren't originally mine.

I find my recipes online.. and mix them together to make my own I guess.

Basic Cupcake + Frosting Flow Chart Recipe

And to have green tea, add in the matcha powder with the icing sugar whilst making the frosting/icing :)
voila!

Yummay!


いただきます！！ ケーキはおいしかった！

A much needed change. Change is good. Starting with My Bedroom.

So this holiday, I decided to be productive. I vacuumed my room and the carpet looks absolutely spotless! By spotless, I mean, no strands of hair (which is really gross).
I'm losing my hair :( and it's a visible problem. No one really goes into my room, so all that hair on the floor must've been mine!

But yeah. Needa sort out this problem hmmm.

And I got a new table! And it has made such a BIG difference to my room. And hopefully to my study life? I'm typing on my new table right now and it feels so spacious up top. But unfortunately, not so much leg room.

In a way, I'm happy. But that leg room! I have giant legs and it hurts whenever my legs hit against that bar at the bottom :( But I know that that bar is necessary to keep the table upright.

It is also interesting to note that my table was once the family's old dinner table. Wow. It was so huge in my memory but now that I look at it, how did all 5 of us fit and eat on this thing?
Nahh I've got to be grateful. And anyway, due to Honours, I'm mostly at uni anyway and wouldn't be at this table.. much.

And I also got a new bedside alarm clock! :D

It's been so long since I've had a LED bedside alarm clock. My previous clock was an analog clock and its served me well the past couple of years. Except that it was such a giant pain. When you wake up in the middle of the night, you can't see what time it is. And sometimes, it is just too cold to stick your arm out of the bed covers and turn the alarm's light on.. JUST to find out what time it is. It ruins the comfiness ya know.

But one of the downsides of having a digital alarm clock is that you can't see what time it is in proportion to other times.. like, says its 8.14.. you can't automatically see how much time is left till it's 8.30..
Yeah. lazy stuff like that. But I am digging this radio function! I've never had a radio alarm clock before. Both my younger sisters have had a radio alarm clock. And I have NEVER had one.
Now I do ;)
Alhamdulillah. It's such a kawaii size and I'm a little weary since it's got a cable and all, and is next to that flower jar full of water..

btw, that's actually sandalwood. Not a flower. It's meant to be this aromatic herb that would give my bedroom a nice smell. Apparently my room stinks. According to my family that is.
Well that would keep unwanted visitors out of my room while i'm away hahaha. But I don't think the sandalwood is doing a very good job.

I found a caterpillar on the sandalwood one day, with a pile of its droppings at the base of the jar. SO GROSS! I can't imagine what could've happened if it had crawled along the bedside table, onto my bed.. and into my ear. EWWW!

I got rid of the caterpillar though. And the sandalwood yesterday was looking brown, so I got rid of that too. Whatever. There's too much stuff on my bedside table anyway. I like to keep it clear, just in case I don't knock anything over when my arm reaches out one morning to press that snooze button.

Speaking of bedroom aromas..

A couple of weeks ago, I tried to get rid of that apparent stench in my room by looking up for some green tea air fresheners online (since im a green tea fanatic) but I found this super cool technique instead. Hanging tea bags!

Tea Bags by the Window - How's the Serenity..

They haven't made much of a difference. Well, I can't exactly tell. I didn't really smell much of a green tea thing in my room. And that could be due to many reasons.
1. The tea bags were actually over 2 years old and I only decided to use them because nobody else was using them.
or
2. Maybe they just eliminated the odour, and not exactly emitted their own smell
or
3. These may just work in small enclosed spaces, like in an aeroplane's bathroom cubicle (as the article I read online mentioned)

Well, they didn't change the smell of the room, but my mother did notice it. And seeing how desperate I was, she bought me some of the real air freshener stuff. My room properly smells like lavender now.. unti the new table came along.

The new table still smells of new polish. And it's making my room reek of it. Is it safe to sleep in a room that smells of paint? I've been having my curtains and windows widely opened and I've also been sleeping with my door open these past 2 nights to let the paint smell out. I hope this smell fades out soon :( I don't like sleeping with my door open.. it makes me a little scared lol. Which is why I keep my lamp on throughout the night and that is such a waste of energy and I wake up feeling moody :/

I have also been trying to decorate my room. I'm not a very creative decorator though.. I've mostly been putting up the posters that I used to hang in my old room from my previous house.

Such a bare well next to my bed

With the Old Table

With the New Table (and poster of Central Park)

I tried to spice up my old table with a jar of roses. But roses don't last long.. and they were dead within 2 weeks. :( They were SO pretty though and I had enough pretty pink things to make a pretty pink corner. It was such a beautiful sight to wake up to.

One of the biggest eyesores in my room were these bags of books next to my shelf.

An eyesore: that pile of bags full of books to the left of my shelf

I have a lot of books. That i don't want to read. They were actually given to me by an aunt that was moving interstate and she didn't want to bring them with her. Now that I've looked through them, I can see why. The books are of various genres, but nothing really of my taste. There's some psychological, some horror, some adult. And beauty books.

Beauty and the Books

Nothing really of my taste. I'm more into the classics these days like Sherlock Holmes, Jane Eyre, The Power of One, Huckleberry Finn..

So yeah. I really don't know what to do with them. I had thought of giving them away to some friends as birthday gifts.. but to be honest, I wouldn't dare give them such cheap gifts. I don't think these books are even that good. And I am not judging by their cover, I am judging by their blurb. I wouldn't dare give  a trashy adult novel to a friend that loves fantasy adventure stories.

I'm thinking of donating them to the library. They're still in good condition. But ARGHH I wonder when I'll even have the time to even contact the library! Their opening hours are so small! And when they're opened, I have to be in the lab! :(

insha Allah I get this stuff sorted out. Till then, I have moved them away from next to the shelf.. to next to the bin. Well, if that's not a hint of what I really want to do with them, I don't know what is.
Nahh, it'd be tragic to throw books in such perfect condition away. They just need a new home.
I'm putting them next to my bin which is next to my door. So every time I walk out of my room, I spot a glimpse of these books and remember that these books NEED A NEW HOME.

Okay.. so I think my weekend of scuffling stuff around my room has been done and dusted. Almost everything has been moved around, and it makes my room look so different. It's as if I have just moved in and I am excited to live in it! I love change! I like trying out new things because I love the fact that it gives me the feeling of having a fresh start every single time.

Baking Green Tea Icing Cupcakes and a Long Weekend of Delicious Food!

It's not only been an intense week in the Honours world.... but it's been a busy week for my body trying to process all the tasty food I've consumed!

So much Chocolate.
What a sweet surprise it was when I found these chocolate eggs on my office table one morning.

Wednesday Morniing - Creme egg and 2 malteser chocolate eggs!

Thursday morning - a hollow chocolate egg

I must admit, I have never tried a creme egg before. Nor have I ever tried a Malteser chocolate egg. When I bit into those.. it was just.. AMAZING. I wish I knew who was giving them out.

By the way, I think there were two different people involved in this chocolate egg distribution. The person on Wednesday morning, who gave the creme egg and malteser egg must've been from my lab group.  Since nobody else in the research institute got one.
While on Thursday morning, the hollow chocolate egg was put on everybody's desk.

I must admit, I loved the 'solid' or 'filled' eggs more than the hollow ones. More value for money, and hence makes the receiver (i.e. me) feel more special :D

OH! And just when I decided on Saturday morning to make a lifestyle change.. I find on the kitchen benchtop an ENTIRE jar of MnMs, Twix and Milky Way.

OMG.

A jar of 'on-sale' chocolates

Way to go mum for buying it all since they were all "on sale". Aiyyyaaa. I am munching on the MnMs as I type this post. And I've really wanted to get thinner and healthier. I came across a picture of Ricki-Lee and she is SKINNY. Not bony-skinny, but fit-skinny! She used to be so curvy before! And I've read an interview of hers and it's inspired me to get healthier. If she can do it, I can do it! And I am starting by cutting down on the sweets!
And then doing exercise! Hopefully I can finally sign up for those Taekwondo classes this week now that my literature review has been submitted insha Allah.

Indonesian Night Festival
Unfortunately, I was enjoying myself far too much to take pictures. MWAHAHAH.

Just kidding. It was too dark. And I don't really have those chunky, expensive cameras. All I had was  a mobile phone camera (and for the record, its a Samsung Galaxy Note II).

I didn't stay long enough to do all those fun activities. I brought my uni friends along, but alas, we were pressed for time and they had to leave so soon. And then I had to leave so soon :(

My mum and little sister came though :)

And the happiest thing, was when I was reunited with my beloved sate padang and teh botol. I am crying. I am happy. :)

And what better way to end that night market, but with an epic moon above my university's campus. So beautiful, SubhanAllah~

High Tea Farewell Party
The lab group's admin assistant was leaving and we threw a small farewell party for her. She's such a sweet old lady and I am going to miss her. I didn't know her too well.. but we had our moments. We even hugged when I had to leave the party for my dark room induction training.


The food was.. really yummy. Of course, I didn't touch the wine or the meat foods. But I did taste some of the cupcakes and chocolate peanut cake. SO YUMMY. Every was fancy dandy. I didn't get to eat everything as they were on the other side of where I was sitting.. but I did manage to take pictures.

I didn't take any pictures of the scones.. which is a real shame because that was the tastiest thing I could get my hands on that day! I don't think I've ever had scones before.. let alone, have ever been to a high tea party. But they were scrumptious and I think that might be an interesting thing to make more the cooking section of this blog ;)
Scones are quite plain.. but I think it's got something to do with the cream and strawberry jam that makes it taste so magical and posh. :D
I MUST HAVE SOME AGAIN. one day.
Yes.. definitely something to consider baking.

And I absolutely loved the tea set.

 How cute are those polka dot cups? And the tea pot?? WANT.
I made sure to stay clear from the wine though ahhahaha. Totes haram man.

Dinner at Flame's Steakhouse, Bankstown
So apparently, this long weekend, Flame's was having a $35 (per person) all you can eat. I can tell you, I did not go for that $35 buffet ahahha. I went on Thursday night with some old uni friends. And even though I could've gotten that $35, I don't think I'd be able to eat all that food!

So I ordered beef ribs..

Beef ribs cost about $35.. BUT I shared it with two other friends. There were 9 bones so we were able to evenly divide it between the three of us. And they were sooo goood. The ribs came with the salad and mash. The mash wasn't all that good.. it was alright for me but not for my other two friends unfortunately. It tasted like instant mash from ALDI. ahahahha.

And we ordered other things like chips and pizza. We ordered meat lovers pizza and a chicken pizza. I didn't like the meat lovers pizza that much. They used salami! And didn't use the proper 'sujuk' (?) for pepperoni.. if you know what I'm saying. To be honest, it was quite plain.. and I was disappointed. My ma could make better-tasting pizza than that!

But all in all, Flame's steakhouse wasn't too bad. I can't complain much.. it's halal after all. And the atmoshpere was good. A lot of Muslims lol. i guess that comes with it being halal and all..

And we even got a 20% discount because we checked in on FB. But that night, they didn't accept EFTPOS which was a giant disaster for those of us that didn't have cash on us. We had to go to the ANZ ATM next door. I couldn't help feeling that it might've all been a partnered scam with ANZ. I did see a little ANZ globe on their check out counter :/

Astaghfirullah. Gotta give them the benefit of the doubt. But how silly of them to post signs up that no one can even spot! It was literally a sign written in a blue ball-point pen on paper. No matter how many signs you put up buddy, no one's going to see it if you don't type it out and print it on paper!

More Dinner Parties
It's Friday and my distant cousin (who's an international student here in Sydney) comes over this public holiday with his two young lady friends. They're such a loud bunch and they formed quite a group with my mum and they were talking in real fast Indo that I couldn't really take part in any of their convos. And I'm really not that confident in speaking Indonesian. Which is absolutely TRAGIC.

Anyway, they ate my vanilla cupcakes with green tea icing. But it was in the fridge for a while, so the sugar crystallised and you could actually crunch on the sugar. BWAHAHAH.
I don't mind them eating it, but it's just that the cupcakes kinda looked like vomit and I am too embarassed for anyone outside my immediate family to eat them. But my ma went ahead and offered it to them anyway for dessert. There was an insane amount of sugar in them, and the two girls took their time eating them. While my cousin (who isn't that fond of sugar) said it was really yummy and wanted another. Well that's nice to hear :-)

I shall post a recipe soon.

One of the girls actually recommended to me a green tea cafe in the Sydney CBD. It's called 'Chanoma Cafe'. Considering that last post about my Green Tea cravings.. I am DEFINITELY GOING ONE DAY insha Allah. I need to satisify my cravings. Oh.. and here's a link to their Facebook page: Chanoma Cafe. And plus, they're Japanese and they apparently have (and I quote) "a very cute chef".

Just LOOK at this Green Tea Menu!

:D

The rest of the night went okay. Watched the Bulldogs vs Rabbitohs game. Which was epic because the Bulldogs once again won by a point! And we had a BBQ which I really wasn't in the mood for. I ate a couple of lamb sausages and some salad. I guess I was just really sick of BBQ-ed food, considering I was eating out for the past 2 nights in a row. I felt really bad because that night I was like really unenthusisastic sounding, and may have come across as a complete *****. I feel bad. And I know I was rude. No matter how tired I was, I should never have treated my guests that way. Especially since one of the girls had never been to my place before..

D:

Still.. I hoped they liked the indo food and my cupcakes.

****************

So I hope you liked my food post.. do people enjoy reading food posts?
It was quite fun to write this, but I don't really eat out much. Nor do I ever come across some extravagantly tasty food like the ones I've had this week. Oh.. the Honours life. Makes you question what's happening on the other side of all this hahha...

and until next time!

Wassalam~

Nurilen

Honours Update

So this past week was pretty intense. Submitted my literature review, had a western blot training, got a new table, had a couple of food parties.. and damn. My belly is the roundest its been!

Uni Work
I submitted my literature review! ALHAMDULILLAH!
And I even printed it out for free :D My institute has it's own COLOUR printing and comb-binding service.
Mind you, I was almost about to go and print with P3 and spend 15 bucks! But a fellow honours student in my lab group thought to email the peeps upstairs and asked. I'm seriously so glad that she's in my group. I would be lost without her. And she's quite nice!

Alhamdulillah for awesome people in my lab group! I know some people went to Officeworks or P3 and had to PAY.

but yeah. I feel relieved it is out of the way and Insha Allah I get full marks! Amiin!
When I submitted to TurnItIn, it came back with a 11% similarity. My printing friend had 3%. But insha Allah everything turns out well.

Training Update
I started my Western blot training this week as well. It was super tiring. So many washings! I wonder how I'm going to get the hang of it all!
And I wonder if I still remember how to do a cytotoxicity assay that I was trained in about a month ago?

Insha Allah everything goes well!

I still have more trainings to go! I haven't been signed off for this Western blot yet. arghhh.

Other Honours Stuff Update
So my co-supervisor is back and we had a farewell party (more info in the food post) for one of our staff on Thursday. I sat across from him and it was super awkward. I was just trying to avoid eye contact with him. Which is pretty tragic. I should seriously try to have a conversation with him. He is after all my supervisor.. I just get intimidated sometimes. He's a pretty cool and laidback person. But I dunno. I've just this weird compelx with people in high positions as myself. Like, there's a barrier that I cannot cross because I'm just a measly honours student.

Ah well.

And I have a presentation this Thursday. What on earth am I going to say in this presentation? In front of my entire LAB GROUP? So I think I'm presenting my project plan, but I have almost zero idea on what it's going to be about. I need to talk with my primary supervisor more..

I'm getting a little paranoid as well about this presentation. A previous Honours student presented his project plan last time and he was GRILLED with questions. I don't want to be in that position :(
Insha Allah all goes well. Amiin! I feel like I've got something to prove you know? I've been like real bad in my training lol. I don't want to be bad in my presenting and communication skills ahahahha