Compliments

I was walking along minding my own business in an Adelaide shopping centre when a girl at one of those pop up stalls in the middle of the walkway catches my eye. And when a promo girl catches your eye, you are trapped! There is no escape.

She waves me over and I don't have the heart to pretend I didn't see her. So I stay and listen to what she has to say. 

Girl: Hi you're one of those Muslim girls aren't you? 

Me: Um, yeah.

Girl: Wow you're so pretty.

Me: Hhaha.

Girl: I have a great deal for you today. How would you like these high end perfumes normally totalling over $400 for only $100?

And.... I'm going to cut that flashback short because what I wanted to talk about today was when she called me pretty. I'm not going to lie, I am conscious of my looks ever since I was younger. When I was a little kid, I was really round. It really hurt my self-esteem and although I am no longer that little fat girl today... I get pretty uncomfortable when people say anything about my looks. But I get extremely uncomfortable when strangers give me compliments.

I've always thought that when a stranger gives you a compliment, that compliment is a genuine one. It's a compliment that wasn't given with a preconceived notion of you. It wasn't a compliment given to you in sympathy because they remembered how awful they were to you when they were kids and this compliment will make up for all that nastiness. But that encounter with the promo girl just opened my eyes to strangers' compliments.

You will meet at least two types of strangers' compliments: genuine compliments and compliments given for their own gain.

What is a genuine compliment?

This is usually given in random settings, be it on a train, on the street, places you least expect it. I say random because these compliments are given with absolutely no context. For example, you are standing on a train and a passerby says: "that's a really nice jacket you're wearing".

So compliments for one's own gain?

These have their own subset: compliments from those who want to make themselves feel better and compliments from those who want to manipulate you for their own gain.

Also within this, there are the truthful ones and the lies.

To be honest, I've given compliments and enjoy it. I make a mental note to be nice to people because I have a bit of an icy, emotionless exterior. And people will like you more if you give compliments. I know I do! I don't see anything wrong with this one. Two people are happy at the end of it. Hurray! But you have to be careful with this one. If you're giving a compliment just for the sake of giving one, make sure they're truthful ones. You don't want it to backfire when you tell an exaggerated one... or a lie. 

Moving on.

Those, like the promo girl who give you a compliment to lure you in. This is probably what all sales people do and I am a sucker for it. When these people give you compliments, it makes you question whether they're being genuine or not. 'She called me pretty, but she's just saying that so that I like her and then buy her perfumes. She's lying. I am actually ugly.' Ever had thoughts like that? When it makes you question every single thing in the universe and then makes you write a blog about it? (LOL)

These compliments are terrible, because they are intentional and it's even worse when they are also LIES. But you know what? They don't hurt as much when you know where these compliments are coming from. In my case, I knew she was trying to sell me something, and through that, I see that it's her job and she probably doesn't give a damn what I look like. And therefore, I shouldn't give a damn about whether or not I am pretty or hideous. You will see those compliments as EMPTY WORDS. Empty words can't hurt you.

As for the compliments given by people for personal gain such as social climbers, maybe like the almost-popular person at school, or politicians... think of it this way. They give out these compliments without any thought or emotion... so why should you give these compliments thought or emotion? 

In the end, a compliment is a compliment. This ain't no Mean Girls. Take each compliment lightly. They're MEANT to make you feel good. And don't you dare let yourself think that these happy emotions are fake if the compliment is fake. Don't you let yourself think you don't deserve to be happy. BE CONFIDENT in who you are and I'm pretty sure the trivial things won't bother you.

~Nurilen

Becoming a Scripture Teacher

So I've recently signed up to be a islamic studies scripture teacher at a public school literally NEXT to my apartment building. And my first class with this certain public school happened to be on the final week of Term 2. So I've only had one class with the school.

And that's about the ONLY class I will be having with that school.

Why you ask? Did I get fired?
Well technically, since it's all voluntary... "fired" wouldn't be the right word for it. More like "if that teacher comes back I'm pulling my kid out of the scripture program".

That shocked me. Initially my supervisor didn't want me to know why she was offering to relocate me... but I insisted. I needed to know what I did wrong! I'm not the type to ignore my mistakes (if it genuinely was a mistake). I want to fix things and become better!

So what was my mistake?
Well apparently, there were 2 things I said: "You're not allowed to listen to music" and "if you don't wear the hijab you're going to hellfire".

I DID NOT SAY THAT.

I specifically kept saying to myself in my mind that day to not say anything so direct. And it was emphasised so much during my training to avoid the "going to hellfire" topic. And I did abide by that! It must've gotten twisted or misunderstood during the lesson. I remember saying you should wear hijab, but not saying ".. and if you don't, you're going to hell".

And with the music question, I did not say that outright either. I asked the question what they shouldn't do in Ramadan. One of the kids say "listening to music" which I said "yes". I think the kid might've thought you shouldn't listen to music in general, Ramadan or no Ramadan. The music topic is a controversial one. You're really not supposed to, since the angels don't like it and will go away when they hear it... along with many other reasons. But some Muslims still listen to music voluntarily anyway. But the issue here is... I did  not outright say "you shouldn't listen to music". If anything, the message I was trying to communicate was "there are better things you could be doing rather than doing this and that, including listening to music".

So after a discussion with my supervisor, I have decided to relocate to another school. And it's not as close as my initial school. It's about a 20 minute bus ride. Grrr... $3.50 one way!

Tutoring adults is so much more fun. Maybe being a paediatrician isn't for me? But I love kids!

To be honest, I think the problem here was with the parents. Yeah, maybe the kid was a little spoilt but the decision to threaten to pull out their kid lies with the parents. And I could've gone back, but that would mean those kids' only chance of learning Islam would be taken away. And Allahu a'lam what they grow up to be. When they're older, it's hard to turn them back to Islam.

Well. Now that I've vented my frustration... I'm going to give my new school another go. Fresh start and now wiser! Not going to let one class pull me down. Gotta keep learning and inshaAllah I get rewarded for this. And inshaAllah those kids at the old school get a better teacher and grow up to become better Muslims and are guided on the correct path.

Ameen.


wassalam,
Nurilen

Making Another Blog

But that doesn't mean I'm leaving this one. This blog is a lot more... like a diary. I can post anything (well almost) and it doesn't have to pertain to a particular theme. There are no rules here.

What I do envision, is a more connected feeling. I want to make a blog that encourages discussion and networking. And to do that, I need to find whatever it is that I am passionate about and find those people that share those interests. Writing a blog about my life is for me and not really for anyone else. Everyone else has their problems, and have other people in their lives who ALSO have problems.

So what blog am I making?
I'm thinking of making a Green Tea blog. There's probably one already like that out in the world, but I want to add my own flavour into it. I will share that blog once it is ready to be shared. Can't go into any more details since it is still an idea in my head. Wondering if I should make it a wordpress or stay on the blogspot platform.

I am also making another blog.
Yep. You've heard correctly. Making a second blog! It's going to be about sharing stories about oneself. It's going to start as a personal project... I suppose documenting it across a period of time. Maybe if it gains a following I could share others' stories on it too. This blog is the one that I hope will be the engaging one. I hope it will connect to others.
Since the aim of this particular "story" blog is about sharing and connecting, I don't think blogspot provides the best for that. I was thinking of tumblr or wordpress... but yeah. Still researching on the best blog platform to launch from.

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Oh! And Ramadan is ending soon! So sad it went by so fast! I haven't found a paying a job yet. Ive mostly just been volunteering and building up my resume. I was the MC of an iftaar one night. Alhamdulillah it went alright!
Half of 2015 is already gone too! Job prospects are decreasing but I to be honest, I don't really care. I've taken to calling this break a gap year and Allah SWT knows best. Maybe in the years ahead I'll be busy and would be regretful for not taking a break to reflect and actually work on all these ideas and projects I've had in mind. Perhaps I would be regretful for not taking a break and getting back into the deen. After last year's intensity, there wasn't much left in the tank self-esteem-wise, mental energy-wise and spiritually. This is the year to recharge. And there's only a few months left and I've gotta work on my bucket list.

wassalam,
Nurilen

A Quick Hello!

Hey everyone!

This is just a quick hello! I've been reading a couple of blogs and suddenly an idea came to me!

Idea: What if I blog in Indonesian? That way, I can practice my Indonesian! Yayyy!!

Okay. Here goes.

Apa kabar? Bagaimana cuaca hari ini? Sekarang, di Sydney, cuacanya agak dingin. Tetapi, saya suka cuaca yang dingin. Saya pikir saya suka cuaca seperti ini karena saya lahir di musim dingin (winter).

Andah pernah lihat salju? Saya pergi ke tempat salju hanya dua kali, dan saya memang jatu cinta sama salju. Tetapi, yang aneh itu... waktu saya di tempat salju, saya jadi sakit! Dan itu bikin saya sedih dan kecewa. Sudah pergi jauh jauh terus jatuh sakit. Ya... itulah takdir dari Allah.

Oh iyah.. saya mau kasih tahu sama kalian. Minggu ini, aku terima berita tentang nilai ujian GAMSAT saya. Saya kecewa banget karena ujian di Maret yang aku ikut.. saya bener beneran belajar keras. Itu ketiga kalinya saya ikut ujian GAMSAT itu. Tapi, nilai saya lebih kurang dari pada nilai yang ujian saya ikut tahun yang lalu. Ya... itulah takdir dari Allah SWT dan Allah SWT memang tahu apa yang paling bagus buat untuk saya. Insha Allah saya bisa di terima ke sekolah kedoktoran. Ameen!

Well, I hope you guys are well! And I'll let you guys know the results!

~Nurilen

The TMI Edition: Eczema breakouts and the Impending Quarter-Life Crisis

A pretty melodramatic title I must admit.

Dear reader, I am in a state of confusion. I do not know what these feelings that I am having are. No. I am not in love. Sheesh.

That is a lie. I have an idea of what I am feeling but I just too coward to admit it.

Well. I am going to take a step forward and start by writing and publishing it here.

As you all know, I am done with Honours. But that's the thing. I have been done since November. That is a whole THREE MONTHS doing almost NOTHING. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. One part of me wants to tell people that I've been looking for a job. But the other part... which is the part I am not willing to embrace, feels embarrassed that up to this very moment, I have not gotten a job!

To be honest, now that I think about it. I am kind of regretful of doing Medical Science. It's a degree that does not guarantee you a job. If you do not like science and DO NOT see yourself doing research and living the rest of your life under uncertainty, then my suggestion is.. don't pursue that type of degree. I went into Honours, and dare I say it, half-hearted about science. I knew research was not my calling, but I went in because I was desperate to increase my GPA. Up until that point, I did not have flashy grades. That comes as no surprise seeing as I went into my Medical Science degree half-hearted. At the end of the year 12, I was still really depressed for not getting into undergraduate medicine and just went with the flow.

But in saying all that, I am trying to remain hopeful for the future. I am trying to remain steadfast on my goals. I just have to have absolute faith in Allah SWT, because He knows what is best for me.

Insha Allah I achieve my goals!

I have to go through the difficulties to make the ending sweeter right?

So that's my story of my quarter-life crisis. Melodramatic? Sure am, especially considering the fact that I've only just entered my 20s.

My eczema outbreak? Yeah... it usually happens when I am extremely stressed. Which I have been lately. But they've calmed down now that I have gotten some more sleep and applied sigmacort and elocon on my rashes.

Well, that's all for now folks. Hopefully will update some more with more positive news insha Allah!

Make doa for me guys! :D

wassalam,
~Nurilen

Job Hunting

Hey!

I wanted to start this post on a cheerful note, so that it would be evenly balanced with the woes of the week that I have to rant about to you today.

IT'S FRIDAY!! TGIF! JUM'AH MUBARAK!

Did you know that if you make a doa (supplication) in a certain hour of Friday, Allah SWT will definitely answer that doa??
It encourages you to always think of Allah SWT on this blessed day!

Have you already read surat al-kahf yet? I haven't yet.. and it's zuhr time now. Uh-oh. Will do that as soon as I finish praying insha Allah!

Wow. I've written so many positive stuff and thought a lot about religion that my woes don't bother me anymore! SubhanAllah.

Yep. My woes are concerned with the dunya. My main woe is job hunting and my issues with procrastinating and focus.

I've had about 2-3 job interviews in the past 3 months since I've finished honours. I've mostly been applying to get medical receptionist jobs. The outcome of two of those interviews have not been successful. The 3rd one, is just a maybe. Which gives me hope! That 3rd interview was just an interview with the manager. At the moment they already have receptionists, but she said she would talk to the doctors about taking on another and she would call me if she needs a receptionist. Ya Allah... I hope I do get the job!

I think if I got jobs at the first two I interviewed at, it would have been difficult. One was located in the middle of no where and was only reachable by bus. Another was located about an 11 min walk from the nearest train station. Which was kings cross! Um... Asian hijabi girl walking in Kings Cross? Yeah. Not a good idea.
And I'm probably overthinking this, but on my walk to my interview (the one near Kings Cross), I think someone spat out of their car in my direction. I'm probably overthinking it, but it was a pretty loud spit. And that's not normal behaviour, unless expressing intense dislike for something. That is, me.

So, now that I think about it... getting those two jobs were not best for me. Alhamdulillah. And I think I will get a job soon insha Allah. I'm currently busy at the moment working on a couple of things. Getting a job now will be difficult. But insha Allah. I will get the perfect job for me, at the best time for me. And when that best time will be? Allahu a'lam!

Trust in Allah SWT. Just make sure you do a lot of good deeds, stay away from haraam, pray on time, take care of your parents and family, and make plenty of doa.

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p.s. update on the novel: Procrastinating... but once I'm done with all this stuff, will get back to it!

Started my Novel planning

Hey hey!

So I've started planning for my novel. I've decided that the novel shall go on for a number of books. And each book will go through a certain period of the protagonist's life. I won't disclose many more details. heheh.

But I've realised that the books I've loved the most are the ones that take you on a journey. Where you grow up with the characters. Something like Harry Potter. But I grew up with Harry Potter and that would span around 10 years! Hopefully it won't be that long.

I didn't grow up with the Anne of Green Gables series though. I read all the books in the series in the span of one year. And it is a classic. I want my novels to have that type of impact, long after I finish writing the final book (whenever that may be).

By the way, I've decided to publish the series on wattpad. I've only recently learnt about this website. I won't link the story just yet as I haven't even started yet! I've mostly been planning my characters and stuff. But, what worries me is that wattpad is known to host a lot of fanfiction. And I kind of don't want that reputation to demean my work. But in saying that, I've seen SO MANY really interesting stories published on that website. And well, I think it's a good place for me to start publishing stuff there, as an amateur novelist.

I'm only an amateur novelist as a hobby. I have other, bigger and more ambitious teams.

What being a novelist means to me:
For me, it's a certain type of expression. It's an opportunity to cross into a realm where I am free and in control of what I write.
English at school was never my forte. Maths was!
I remember the times at school when I would struggle to write a creative writing peace. And in the end I would write a piece of trash due to it being written against a set task. And teachers would never give my essays or narratives full marks. Writing never came easily to me as it did to my classmates. But now, I think I will use this chance to better myself. To cross into uncomfortable territory. To express my thoughts into something inspiring and exciting. To make my written communication skills the best insha Allah!