When trying to impress your supervisors for the sake of impressing

Okay, funny and depressing story I have for you lot today!

So since my research project is basically centred on this chromatin immunoprecipitation assays, I practically have NO DATA for my thesis yet. And there is ONLY ONE AND A HALF months left!


*panic mode*


So anyways. If I start ChIP assays on Monday, my data isn't usually ready before the Friday meeting I have with my program head (who is also my cosupervisor). But what I did have were some cyto assays I was working on. And I wanted to compare them to the sequencing paper that I am basing a part of my project on. But the IC50 of my results were different to that obtained in the paper.

When I brought this issue up, my cosupervisor looked at my graphs and the title and just said: how long was the treatment period in the paper.

And then I thought: OH CRAP. I didn't check that out.

After looking at the paper: "72 hours".

Cosupervisor: "And how long was yours?"

Me: "24 hours..."

And then I got asked why I chose "24 hours".

Tbh, I really don't know why. I thought that was the general treatment time for all drugs. But I didn't want my cyto assay trainer to get in trouble, so I told him:

"because it was convenient".

...

Um yeah. Not exactly the best thing I could have said. And then I got told off about how I didn't have any intellectual control over my project. Especially at this point in the year. I was also reminded of how I didn't have any data for my thesis yet.

So I basically felt like crap. And that conversation just kept echoing in my head throughout my entire weekend.

My cosupervisor asked if I knew how my drug worked. And I responded: "I don't know.."
He then asked if I had read the group's 2005 paper, which I couldn't tell which one..

So yeah. I am basically not that well versed in the literature. I don't have intellectual control over my project and I ask stupid questions and can't "arm myself" when I do because I don't know about the literature and am just blindly diving into doing things. :(

I am so angry at myself. What my cosupervisor said is all true. It was a giant slap in the face. But a slap I really needed.

I need to read more literature. But I just gotta find the time!

Well, after my cosupervisor expressed his disappointments about me not reading the literature...

I am still feeling a little down. I don't know if I will be able to face him tomorrow. I just... I haven't cried once. But I feel like it. But no tears will come out.

It is such a long journey. But considering the time I have left.. I wish the journey was longer. Im running out of time for my thesis.

wassalam,

Nurilen